Raising Christ-Centered Children, One Parent at a Time: Part Two

If you lead a children's ministry or pastor a church I would encourage you to consider this approach to the children's ministry. The following is a sample document, outlining focus areas for such a ministry.

Our Mission
The children’s ministry exists to cultivate Christ-centered parenting.

Our Process: The Three R’s
We reach out to families, raise up parents and reinforce teachings so that our children will believe, grow and lead.

The Parents’ Role
In Deuteronomy 11:18-21 Moses instructs God’s people on what to do with the godly teachings he taught them. He clearly assigns parents with the godly instruction of their children, not the religious leaders of the day.

“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.” Deuteronomy 11:18-21

It is for this reason we believe the time parents spend with their children is the primary place for discipleship. As an integral part of the discipleship formula, parents are a cornerstone of the children’s ministry.

The Church’s Role
Reach Out! (Reaching Out to Families)
We seek to connect with families in our community by reaching out a hand of friendship. We desire to remove any hindrances from accomplishing this goal and are committed to making as many community connections as possible.

Raise Up! (Raising Up Christ-Centered Parents)
We desire to equip parents as they seek to accomplish instruction and incorporate God in their family’s daily life. We are committed to providing various parent enrichment opportunities, focused on godly parenting skills and resources parents may use from home with their children. Finally, we desire to develop support networks for parents as they navigate the challenges of raising Christ-centered children.

Reinforce! (Reinforcing Godly Teachings)
When the children meet for church gatherings we seek to reinforce parental instruction in hopes of accomplishing our shared goal of developing children who will Believe, Grow, and Lead. In addition, we desire to make a positive contribution to the children’s spiritual development by providing opportunities that their parents cannot provide at home. These opportunities include corporate worship, peer group interaction and ministry service through the local church.

Raising Christ-Centered Children, One Parent at a Time

Background
Before I experienced a call to ministry I was an elementary teacher for many years. My first ministry position was as Children's Minister, which is where I experienced my ministry call. Recently, I have been giving a lot of thought to what type of DNA I would want to instill in a new type of church start. This train of thinking has led me to think about what new DNA I would seek to develop in the Children's Ministry. This blog entry is an attempt to record where my thoughts have led me.

A "Radical" Idea
The following may be a “radical” view for a children’s ministry but after studying scripture and reviewing how most churches structure their children’s ministry I became increasingly concerned by what I observed. Scripture clearly assigns parents with the primary responsibility of biblical instruction for their children (Deut. 11:18-21) and yet if you were to look at what most churches focus their children’s ministry energies doing very little is done for the parent. Instead, the majority of the effort focuses on providing the children with a comprehensive program that they want to attend. Sadly, the result has been that many parents rely on the church to fill the parental role of Biblical instruction and little instruction occurs from home. By receiving this parental handoff the church is subverting scripture.

The New DNA
If I had the opportunity to start a children’s ministry from scratch the DNA I would seek to infuse from day one would be one that placed ownership on the parents as the primary Biblical instructor. Everything we did would seek to undergird the parents’ efforts. We would be careful to consistently and frequently communicate to parents that we exist to support their efforts. Therefore, we would provide curriculum and instruction for parents to use from home on a weekly basis and then review and reinforce that instruction when the children came together for church gatherings. We would also offer various parent enrichment activities in hopes of strengthening them as Biblical instructors, during formal instruction and informal, everyday moments. We would want parents to view the time they spend with their children to be the primary place for discipleship. The parents would see their efforts to be an integral part of the discipleship formula, a cornerstone of the children’s ministry.

In addition, the church would assist the parents by offering opportunities for the child that the parent is unable to provide such as corporate worship, peer group interaction, and ministry service through the local church. While Biblical instruction would be part of “church time,” we would be careful to not make it our primary focus. Instead, we would take advantage of the unique opportunity that comes from gathering with other children and create activities that exclusively take advantage of this.

Three questions would guide us:
1. What are we doing to increase Biblical parenting among our parents?
2. What can we do that does not replicate what is occurring at home, but instead reinforces it?
3. What can we offer children during church gatherings that the parents are unable to provide from home?

GodTube Website is Awesome!

There is a new version of YouTube on the Internet. It's called GodTube. It is quite interesting and something to explore. My favorites so far are four Christian/Christ Follower Parodies based on the PC/Mac commercials. Check them out!

Here's the first one to whet your appetite!

Way to go John Ortberg!

As a woman in ministry, struggling to live beyond the nay-sayers that discourage women from becoming advanced leaders, I was encouraged and excited to hear John Ortberg's words at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit last week. During his address, John used Esther for his main scripture text and made a point to recognize what an awesome leader Esther was. But he didn't stop there! He went on to passionately encourage women who feel called into leadership to go out and boldly lead.

Hearing someone I respect and consider an influential Christian leader uplift women, called to ministry beyond children's or women's ministry (the accepted norm), was extremely encouraging to me. If you were not at the summit, I encourage you to watch the Ortberg video clip which includes his passionate support of women as leaders in the church.

John Ortberg Video Clip

Leadership Summit: Day Two

Day two was an exhausting day for me. When I got home I had the rare experience of longing for and desiring complete silence. Even the sound of the TV in the background was bothersome. This is extremely rare for me. I always have sound in the background while I work and think, whether it's the TV or music. When I was in college I found that I could obtain a higher level of concentration when I had some noise in the background and have kept with this pattern throughout life.

But last night I couldn't. Last night it had to be silent.

My poor husband was completely confused by my behavior and found it hard to understand. He wanted to talk to me about the conference and hear about the various speakers. He wanted to tell me about his day and have me ask clarifying questions. He wanted to comment to me about what he was watching on TV. And I could have nothing to do with any of it. It got to the point where I just had to apologize for my attitude, excuse myself from the room, and go to bed.

Finally, with sleep came the silence I was so desperately longing for.

Today I have been reflecting on why I needed complete silence. I've always been able to process multiple things at the same time. In fact, often I thrive on such multi-tasking. So, what was different about yesterday? Sure there was a lot of content to absorb, but how is that different from a day of class during my intensives at seminary?

And then it hit me. What made yesterday different was it wasn't only the amount of content that was shared, it was the degree to which God was pruning me. And it was that combination that pushed me over the edge, to a place where only silence could repair.

Yesterday was not only about head knowledge, it was about heart repair and formation.

I'm sure some of you who attended the Summit are asking yourself right now, "What conference was she at? Not the Leadership Summit I attended." And to be quite honest I can't explain it by content alone. When I look back on my notes for the day I find nothing out of the ordinary. And yet, something happened. Something that I can't even clearly articulate at this moment. Something that I continue to wrestle with in my mind and heart. Something that still feels foreign to me and yet is now a part of me.

Even as I try and describe it now I get a lump in my throat and a nervous tummy feeling, deep in my gut.

Honestly, I have no idea what the outcome of all of this will be. The only thing I can say without a doubt is that I have stumbled into a defining moment in my life, one that even now I don't fully understand nor do I have the ability to fully comprehend. I sense I have been brought to a fork in the road.

Which road I choose to go down, God has left to me.

There is an easy road that my human self, my mind is telling me to take. But there is also a hard road, that my heart is urging and begging me to go down. For the easy road, I have the skills and feel equipped to handle what will come my way. For the hard road, I feel completely unskilled and inadequate for the task. The easy road is assured to be filled with others who will walk with me. But for the hard road it is unknown at this point if anyone would be willing to or feel called to partner with me. The easy road is filled with knowns. The hard road is filled with unknowns.

My gut says that both roads would be OK to go down but that one lacks the same level of potential as the other one possesses. My heart says that God longs for me to choose the hard road but would understand if I chose the easy one. My instinct says the correct choice is the hard road. It is the road that God can grow me the most, change me the most, reveal himself more fully on and yet something continues to stop me.

And so, my soul cries out... "Why can't my mind let go... why can't I take the first step... why can't I let it all go and fully surrender to it?"

Leadership Summit: Day One

Today was the first day of the Leadership Summit sponsored by the Willow Creek Association (WCA).

What a great day! Every time I see Bill Hybels speak I am more and more humbled by his genuine authenticity and his intense passion for leaders. Bill truly loves pastors and desires to help strengthen them any way possible. The quality of the faculty the WCA brings to address the participants and the care in which they plan out every detail of the conference truly communicates the level of their passion for building up leaders. For me, it is always an experience that challenges and grows me. This year is no exception.

The following are some comments made by the speakers today that have stuck with me and I continue to reflect on...

“People don't have to always have their way, just their way to be considered." Bill Hybels

"Would you be willing to die for the vision God has placed in your heart?" Bill Hybels

"What you ARE is God's gift to YOU, what you DO is YOUR gift to God." Quoted by Carly Fiorina

"It needs to be a vision more compelling then what they are afraid of." Carly Fiorina

"As a result of my firing, I have been given the gift of freedom. Freedom to do things I would not have done otherwise." Carly Fiorina

"For a student failing in one class and excelling in another, you solve the 'F' through the 'A's'." Markus Buckingham

As an example of putting your strengths to work, Markus went on to explain that you identify the strengths in the child that is helping to produce the A and help her harness those strengths to leverage a better grade in the other class.

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud became greater than the risk to blossom." Quoted by Markus Buckingham, missed the reference

Concluding Thoughts
Today was a day of conviction... conviction that I must completely own the vision God has placed on my heart. Only when I completely surrender myself to it and am willing to sacrifice everything, no matter what the cost, will I be made into the vessel God desires to use.

My numerous hindrances, such as personal fears of failure or the prejudices others may have of me as a woman in ministry, have become heavy burdens preventing me from moving forward. When I hold onto these things I remove God from the equation and it is no longer about Him, but instead about me. I must lay my hindrances before the Lord and let go of them in order to free myself to move forward and restore God's desires as my central focus.

Finally, instead of focusing on my weaknesses and what I am lacking to be able to accomplish this vision, I need to clearly identify my strengths and work through them as I seek to accomplish this vision. My strengths are gifts God has given me in order to accomplish what it is He desires me to do.

Today was a day of asking for forgiveness for allowing myself to get in the way of God's vision. It was also a day of surrendering to His will, for my life and this vision. None of this ever was about me... it has always been about Him, as it should be.

How do you define church success?

When I talk to pastors and people from other churches I will often ask them how things are going at church. I'll ask them what they feel is going well and what seems not to be going very well. I'm always interested by their comments. It tells me a lot about how they define success. It also tells me a lot about their priorities.

If you're in ministry and part of the Southern Baptist denomination you are familiar with the yearly church surveys the association sends out. They ask questions such as; what is your weekly average attendance for worship, how many people are in Sunday School, how many baptisms did you have last year, how much money did you contribute to cooperative giving, etc. These surveys haven't changed for decades! And worse yet they communicate to churches that these are the things that are most important if you want to have a healthy church.

We desperately need to change what we define as being success at church. One way to do this is to change the assessments administered by the associations to better reflect what we are hoping to create. If churches were asked things such as, "how many church members actively involve God in their daily life?" it would definitely challenge the leadership to focus on this topic. The problem is most churches can't answer that question because they don't know their congregations well enough to know how to answer it!

In addition, there is confusion as to what is success. Many people believe church success is how big your building is or how many programs you have running. For others it's how many people attend your church or the offering levels. None of this says anything about the spiritual wellness of the church. It only addresses the "wellness" of the organization. Our poor assessments and areas of focus have finally caught up to us and we are currently feeling the affects of them. We have big empty churches with spiritually dead people confused at why even though they attend church every Sunday or are involved in several programs at the church, they don't feel like their lives are meaningful or full. Something is still missing.

What would I encourage churches to do?
1. Redefine success to be how many times you had a real conversation with someone and shared a little bit of yourself with them.

2. Measure success on the number of times you consulted God on something before making a decision, no matter how small the decision and followed His direction.

3. Define success based on the amount of time spent each week devoted to one on one time with God.

4. Define success to be the personal efforts parents make to instruct their children in God's word, such as family devotionals or worship time.

5. Define success as being each time we choose to not engage in sinful acts.

6. And finally, define success as investing in another to develop the same godly characteristics.

I'm sure there are others... this is a list in progress! Any one want to add something to the list?

Is there something we haven't tried?

So, I've been continuing to reflect on my thoughts about if dying churches can be saved. While I believe in death and rebirth and that it is a very realistic reality on the horizon for many churches, the never-give-up rescuer in me says, "Isn't there something else that could be tried? Maybe we just haven't thought of the right thing yet because it's not in God's timing. Be patient and keep looking and trying."

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to worship at a new church start. They are small in number but seem to have a huge heart for the Lord. There is a level of authenticity and godly character exhibited in their words and seen in their eyes as you speak with people one on one that is hard to miss and quite refreshing. There was such a sweet spirit of humility and focus on God's desires and praises by the worship leader and pastor that it over shadowed any glitches in the projection of words, the rising temperature in the room due to lack of air conditioning or the toddler that was wandering around the room, uninterested in sitting with his mother. I sat there thinking to myself, "This is a glimpse at the pure and healthy DNA God desires churches to have. Why can't more churches have this DNA? Why can't existing churches have their DNA re-written to look like this?"

Then it suddenly dawned on me. How do most pastors go about trying to revive a dying church? Some churches focus on developing new programs and ministries. Almost all of these churches will in some way try and have a special emphasis on evangelism, trying new methods, encouraging people to be more active in their efforts to share Christ. I think of all the sales pitch emails I have received for programs that will increase your attendance, raise your offerings and "save" your church from death. Implement this new program or have your church go through this new study and you will surely succeed.

And that is when it hit me. These churches are treating the symptom and not the illness! They may for a brief time be successful at decreasing symptoms but the illness is still present which means that eventually they will get sick again. They have not been cured. The illness has just been momentarily masked.

Then I thought about that good DNA I had the opportunity to see up close and I realized that maybe the way to save a dying church is to focus all efforts on creating intimacy, authenticity and godly character in the congregation. The natural outgrowth of this change will be a vibrancy that is hard for a visitor to resist and an internal change that will naturally express itself through evangelistic outreach. They will want to share their faith with others because of the vibrancy of their relationship with the Lord. They won't be able to help themselves. It will just overflow from their being. In addition, they will have something to share with others. Right now, most church member's spiritual wellness is so non-existent that it is not surprising that they would not be sharing with their friends their faith. It is not impacting their life in a way that they want or desire others to gain what they have.

Basically we have dying churches because we have spiritually dead people sitting in them. Revive the people spiritually and you can revive the dying church. But revival isn't about emotion or spurring the people into action to do more. It is about strengthening their connection with the Lord, developing intimacy that is the incubator for authenticity and the development of godly character. It is about growing and nurturing an internal motivation to include God in your daily life.

If you are a pastor of a dying church, I would encourage you to stop trying new programs and encouraging your congregation to become more evangelistic. Instead focus all of your efforts on creating spiritually healthy members through the development of intimacy. Embrace your small numbers and look at them as blessings. It's always easier to create intimacy when your numbers are small. But being small in number won't be enough to create that intimacy you are looking for. (That has been evident for quite some time as you have dwindled in numbers.) It takes the brave encouragement to be transparent with others, highly valuing authenticity and making a focused effort to allow God to change you.

Can dying churches be saved?

Thinking about dying churches further, I have been contemplating if a dying church can be saved. Is it possible? Can a church near death and on life support be revived? Is it even possible to rewrite unhealthy DNA? And even more importantly, is this something God desires or does he intend to let these churches completely die off the vine? Does God know that bad DNA can't be re-written and therefore He is in the process of birthing a new type of church with a healthy DNA?

I wish I knew the answers to these questions but unfortunately I do not. Because of the high numbers of dying churches in the Kingdom I am inclined to think God desires to birth something new and completely different. My instinct says that we are on the brink of a new type of revival within the Kingdom. One that will form a new type of church, not seen since the beginning of Christianity. The way in which we gather as Christ followers and live out our faith will be redefined for us in such a way that it will be hard to see any resemblance to our current church culture. We will be re-birthed and made new, in the fullest sense.

Some say that this won't happen until Jesus returns to claim His Kingdom. Maybe so. Maybe Jesus is coming back sooner than we think! I don't know. What I do know is that there is a huge amount of evidence mounting that Kingdom-wide, a large percentage of churches are dying and that there are more churches close to death now than at any other time in history. I also know that with death comes rebirth and a new life. Therefore I must acknowledge the church deaths and keep my eyes on the horizon for the rebirth.

This is an exhausting and challenging time to be in ministry, but it also is an exhilarating time. While the hardships are great, the joys are just as intense and wonderful. I liken these times to be similar to the birth of our nation or the beginning of civilization. We are cavemen on the brink of discovering fire! The changes and discoveries on the horizon for the Kingdom of God are so great that the impact won't be fully realized for generations to come. People will say to us, "Were you there? Did you see it happen? Were you a part of the rebirth? What was it like?" and they will marvel at our experiences, wishing they had been there too.

Do you see dying churches where you live?

My husband and I have been in search of a new church home for about a year now. We have relocated to a new area, necessitating the search. As we have visited various churches it has been startling what's out there. I knew that many churches were declining in numbers and that there was a high percentage of dying churches but I had no idea how wide spread the problem was or how bad it really is out there. It's easy to neglect the Kingdom and be solely focused on the ministries of the church you belong to. Ministerial staff should explore the Kingdom and visit other churches more regularly to get a better pulse for Kingdom health. This is something I believe all churches should be more concerned about.

I would define a "dying" church to be one in which the weekly worship attendance has been on a steady decline for several years. In addition, the retention percentage of first time visitors is extremely low. Most likely, these dying churches have very few, if any baptisms each year and if you were to poll the ministerial staff they would say the church is weakest in evangelism.

But going deeper than that, there seems to be a dysfunction or illness in these dying churches. The DNA of the church has either been corrupted or was malformed during birth. Often the church members tend to be closed minded, protective of traditions and focused on living in the past and the memories of better times. These members also tend to live isolated lives from the rest of the world, unaware of the personal needs or spiritual well being of their neighbors.

I have found the pastors of these dying churches tend to preach heavily on the need for more evangelism, reminding church members of the great commandment and the need to share the gospel with those who have not heard it. These pastors are in a balancing act between not offending or angering current members while at the same time attempting to change unhealthy methods and behaviors slowing church growth and contributing to the lack of vitality. Pastors of dying churches find their time consumed with attending meetings in order to maintain the organization and see an increase in their weekly number of personal hours spent on church ministry.

The churches that are close to death have additional characteristics. Unfortunately, they tend to consist of mostly gray haired members and their Children's Ministry is either non-existent or quite low in attendance. Looking from the outside, it appears these churches lack any type of urgency or concern for others. This is something that is especially needed if they are to pull themselves out of the spiral of death they find themselves in and yet it is not present. Churches on the brink of death have pastors that are exhausted from trying to help breath life into their flock. They often work 60+ hours a week and carry the majority, if not all of the ministerial responsibilities and needs. And worst of all churches close to death are usually completely unaware of their imminent demise. The people are so out of touch with reality that it never enters their minds that they are on the brink of closing their doors for good.

Sadly, many dying churches don't see the writing on the wall even if the pastor has been sounding the alarm for quite some time. And the further they proceed in their dive, the harder it seems to be for them to pull out of their spiraling death, avoiding catastrophic injury.

I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed an increase in dying churches or has stories of similar experiences. If you are willing to share, I'd like to hear your story.

Why "Kingdom First Aid"?

Every day I hear of new ways God's Kingdom is "wounded"...
Churches unable to work through conflict. Church members leaving a church fellowship in anger, never to return again. I've heard stories from people who for one reason or another have had such a bad experience at a church, they have said they will never go back. It's too painful for them or they couldn't find what they were really looking for which was a fellowship of believers fully surrendered to the Lord and focused solely on Him.

There have been other wounds to the Kingdom, wounds to the ministers. Pastors attacked for one reason or another and forced out of their pastorates. Ministers making decisions based not on what they hear God asking them to do but instead on what a group of congregation members are wanting them to do, succumbing to their fear of loosing their jobs. I have personally experienced the stress of personal attacks by church members disgruntled by my choices, attempting to undermine my leadership. I have also seen first hand the pressures placed on pastors and the negative impact it has on ministers and their families. Some of these wounds are so deep these wounded ministers will leave vocational ministry all together.

Finally, each of us as Christians experience times of hardship, painful moments rendering us "wounded" and unable to serve in ministry the way God desires us to. It may be an actual physical affliction such as an illness or hardship within our family. Or it could be a sin that is in our life that we can't seem to get control over or become free of. Wounds to individuals can be inflicted by others or unfortunately, we can wound ourselves.

What is the result?
In each case the result is the same. The Kingdom is wounded and God's people are distracted from our purpose; to commune with God and share the good news of Christ with those who have not heard it yet. What better way to prevent those in the Kingdom from accomplishing this purpose then to fracture the fellowship and create disunity among our ranks. Each time we allow another wounding or we succumb to it, the Kingdom is weakened a little more and we are farther away from our goal.

The Purpose of "Kingdom First Aid "
My purpose in writing this blog is to attempt to assist in the healing process for Christians, the churches they attend and the ministers selflessly serving who have experienced the pains of such wounding, to help give "first aid" where needed. Sometimes this "first aid" may be in the form of encouragement, but other times it will be through the discussions of various topics applicable to the "battles" taking place within God's Kingdom. Each entry will be topical and I encourage feedback and dialogue. I am far from an expert in this area and would love to hear your thoughts and more about your own experiences.

My goal is to help strengthen God's Kingdom so that we may get back to accomplishing what God placed us here on earth to do. At the very least it is to network those who have been wounded and remind the wounded that they are not alone in their struggles. There are others out there, just like you. All of us have been wounded at one time or another. Finally, it is to not only triage current wounds, but to be preventive in nature in order to lessen future wounding.

This is a grand purpose and massive goal, but one I feel called to by God. My prayer is that God would show me how best to accomplish this and for the Kingdom to be strengthened through this ministry.

Finding A Kingdom View

I remember when I was in high school and living under my parents guidance... I would ask permission to do something and the response would always be, "when you're eighteen." Each time I would think to myself, "What? Is something magical going to happen when I turn eighteen? Will a magic wand be waved over my head and suddenly I will be wiser and more mature, able to take on the responsibility I was requesting?" As my eighteenth birthday approached I can remember anticipating this moment with anxious excitement, looking forward to being different. The day came and went and sadly I felt no difference. I was the same person my parents had said no to. I thought the same way, made the same choices, inside I felt no change. The only thing that was different was that now my parents saw me as an adult and therefore I was given the freedom that comes with such a title. The responsible daughter had always been responsible. The only thing that changed was my title from "child" to "adult".

When we accept Jesus Christ as our Saviour and Lord I think the same thing tends to happen. We expect to feel something different. We expect to be someone else. But the reality is while our core essence may be made new by the choice we have made, our habits, how we think, what we do with our time... are harder to change. It's a life long process of refinement and growth. We may have gained the title of "Christ Follower/Christian" but the Lord still has a lot to accomplish in our lives in order for us to experience the fullness of this title.

One of the attributes that God has been refining in me as a Christ Follower is the ability to see things through God's eyes. When I'm standing in line at the store, driving to a doctor's appointment or listening to the conversations of those around me I find myself asking, "How does God see things? What are His thoughts, His desires, His Kingdom needs right now?" Each time the first thing that tends to happen is an overwhelming feeling of love toward others comes over me. Almost as soon as that feeling surfaces a wave of sadness will follow quickly behind it. Sadness for those who won't spend eternity with Him. Sadness for the hurt and pain brought into the world through sin.

Having a Kingdom View is one in which we strive to see things from God's perspective. We are concerned about the things He is concerned about. We spend time doing the things He would do. We respond to others with the same response He would have. We are more concerned about the needs of His Kingdom then we are about our own needs.

A Kingdom View is an attribute every Christ Follower must obtain but it is an attribute that doesn't come from our title. It is something that has to be developed and sought after. It is an attribute that keeps us grounded and centered in His will. And I believe it is the one attribute that all others flow from. Without a Kingdom View, Christ Followers will never fully experience everything God desires for us. We will never attain the ability to become more closely matched to our Creator.

"Lord, make my eyes new. Let me see what You see. Let me respond in the same way You respond. Let Your priorities be mine. My life is not my own. It is yours."